


The Cruelties of Life

by fandomfreak



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fem!Stiles - Freeform, Pregnant Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 02:43:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1534679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfreak/pseuds/fandomfreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fem!Stiles is pregnant. She and Derek are ecstatic. This follows the first few weeks after she finds out she's pregnant, only to have a miscarriage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cruelties of Life

Looking back, she should have known something was wrong way before it happened. Maybe she was just being too optimistic because she longed for a child. Maybe she knew all along that it was too good to be true. Maybe the doctors were wrong and the baby was okay. She was an idiot for still clinging to this hope, even after everything that happened.

\- - -

She looks over the pregnancy test again, not believing her eyes. Yup, definitely pregnant. She puts a hand to her mouth as she cries happy tears. Wait till Derek hears the news.

\- - - 

Stiles: Derek, call me when you’re not busy.

Derek: I’ll call you on my lunch break.

 - - -

Her phone rings half an hour later. She takes a few moments to collect herself, not wanting to give anything away.

 “Guess what?”

“What?”

“You’re going to be a daddy,”

“Wha- are you serious right now?”

“Yeah. We’re having a baby!”

“I’m coming home. Be there in ten. Love you. Bye,” he says in a rush.

She smiles as she hangs up. They’re going to be great parents; she just knows it.

\- - -

Two weeks later and they’re sitting in the waiting room, eagerly awaiting the first sonogram. They wait for a few hours before being sent home. One doctor is on vacation and won’t be back for a few weeks and the other one had to rush off to deliver a baby. They’re disappointed but luckily, their appointment is rescheduled for the very next day.

 - - -

The next day, Stiles has a pap smear before they get a sonogram. It takes what feels like forever until the pap smear is over and they finally get to see the baby for the first time.

 “Huh,” the doctor mutters, staring intently at the screen.

Stiles feels her heart drop into her stomach. Derek bites his lip and takes her hand in his. He begins rubbing circles on it with his thumb.

“What is it?” she asks, fearing the worst.

The doctor looks over his notes before answering. “You told us your last menstrual cycle was on Valentine’s Day, correct?”

“Somewhere around there, yeah.”

“Well, you either conceived at a much later time or you almost lost the fetus.”

Stiles closes her eyes, willing herself to calm down. She can’t have a panic attack, not now.

Derek kisses her forehead. “It’s okay,” he whispers.

“Can you explain it more, doctor?” he asks.

“Sure. You see here, there is a small tear on the amniotic sac. This could indicate a miscarriage. If Ms. Stilinski conceived around the time we think she did, the fetus should look a different shape. However, we could just be mistaken and the fetus is not as far along as we initially believed. It could be around 5 weeks. I’ll send for some blood tests to check hormone levels and we will go from there.”

\- - -

Her appointment is in two weeks, but she doesn’t make it until then. She’s convinced herself that her baby is probably younger. She refuses to believe she will lose this baby. It would just be cruel for her to lose this child after everything her and Derek have been through. The baby will be okay. The baby is tough, just like mommy and daddy.

They’ve started calling the baby X, because either way, it will have an x chromosome. It’s unintentional, and Stiles knows deep down that they shouldn’t get too attached, but she can’t help it. She already has a tiny baby bump and she and Derek are constantly touching the bump, talking to it. This baby is already so loved; there is no way they’ll lose it.

\- - -

It’s Friday, a few days before her appointment. She wakes up feeling normal. Throughout the day, she starts feeling strange, like she does right before her period. She ignores it and continues going about her day.

Around 3 pm, she begins to feel very tired. She goes to the bathroom to pee and it is then that she sees the blood. It’s not as bad as her normal period, but it’s enough to scare her.

“Derek, come home,” she begs, already crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, concerned.

“I’m bleeding. Not spotting, flat out bleeding. Please come home.”

“Go to the ER, okay? I’ll meet you there.”

 - - -

The drive to the hospital is a blur. She doesn’t even remember checking in, or being called back. One minute, she’s sitting between a sobbing woman with a black eye and a sickly elderly man, the next she’s in a room with Derek holding her hand. Hours have passed and she has no memory of it. It’s like she’s 16 again and possessed by the nogitsune, only this time, she feels much worse. Her baby is dying and no one is doing anything to help.

They draw blood for some blood tests. By then, it is 12 am. Finally, at 1 in the morning, a sonogram is done. They are told the same thing, there is a tear in the sac but the fetus is still there. She feels immense relief, but that is short lived.

“There is a high chance you will miscarry. It is nothing you did or didn’t do; don’t blame yourself. They are called spontaneous miscarriages and can happen to anyone. It could happen for any number of reasons. Your body will expel everything on its own, so if you continue bleeding, don’t freak out. Let it take its course and you can try again when you’re ready.”

\- - -

They get home at 3 am. They don’t talk about it. Stiles doesn’t even want to think about it. She doesn’t sleep much.

The next day, the bleeding continues, but not as heavily as before. She stays in bed all day, as does Derek. They watch movies and cuddle, neither wanting to think about what may be happening inside of Stiles.

\- - -

Sunday. The day before her appointment. She didn’t sleep at all last night either. She began having cramps and is bleeding heavily again. As the day goes by, her baby bump slowly begins to shrink. She knows she’s lost the baby and it kills her.

\- - -

Derek finds her in the bathroom, hands on her face, sobbing. He pulls her in for a hug, neither saying anything.

“I heard the heartbeat yesterday,” she finally says in a broken voice.

“Me too,” he admits.

“The first and last time we will ever hear our baby’s heartbeat,” she says bitterly, wiping her tears away roughly.

“We don’t know that for sure. Let’s just wait to see what the doctor tells us tomorrow,” Derek suggests, running his hand through her beautiful long hair.

“I can feel it. The baby is dead. I know it sounds stupid but a mother just knows. I don’t need a doctor to tell me.”

“We should still go in tomorrow. See what the doctor has to say.”

Stiles nods. They go back to the bedroom. It’s the third night in a row neither of them sleeps well.

\- - -

The doctor confirms what Stiles already knew, tells them they can always try again. Stiles leaves that office feeling like a piece of her has died. She doesn’t cry anymore. She’s just numb at this point.

\- - -

She avoids the bags from Michael’s full of various baby yarns she bought to crochet stuff for her baby. She avoids Derek too, as well as everyone else. They all call to check up on her, to offer their support, but she doesn’t want to hear it. No one understands, no one feels this pain she feels.

She’s numb except for the times when she’s watching TV and a commercial for Huggies or Pampers comes on. She’s numb until she sees people with their babies. She’s numb until she finds herself subconsciously touching her stomach. She alternates between crying and being numb. She finds herself wandering aimlessly around the loft. The worst part is not having a body to bury, not getting the closure she needs.

\- - -

“Stiles, please talk to me,” Derek begs.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she says numbly.

“Of course there is. You’re pushing me away. I know you’re hurting. I am too.”

“You don’t understand,” she mumbles.

“Then help me understand,” he insists.

“My mind is telling me that it was just a mass of cells, that I shouldn’t be sad because it wasn’t even a baby yet. But I keep thinking back to my baby bump, to those strange movements I felt in my belly when I was pregnant. I can’t even mourn Baby X because it wasn’t even considered a baby. I don’t have a body to bury. All I have are painful reminders of the short time I was pregnant. It’s not fair, Derek.” She’s crying at this point, fists clenched.

“I know, Sti, I know.” He holds her as they both cry for the child they will never know.

“I prayed. I prayed and prayed those last few days. I begged for God to save my baby. It was all for nothing. I was willing to believe, I needed to, but we still lost Baby X,” she admits, voice trembling.

“We’ll mourn Baby X together, okay? And maybe in the future, when we’re ready, we can try again. We will never replace Baby X though. That baby will have a special place in our hearts,” Derek murmurs, burying his face in Stiles’ hair.

“It feels like I’m dying,” she says softly. “I keep thinking that we would have had that baby right around Thanksgiving. We would have loved that baby so much, as would our family and friends. We would have been great parents and our baby would have been the best.”

“We’ll be okay, I promise. It hurts now, and it will probably always hurt, just not as much as it does now. We’ll be great parents one day, it just wasn’t meant to be at this moment.”

“Let’s just try to get through this before planning another baby, okay?”

“Of course.”

They fall asleep in each other’s arms, fresh tears on both of their faces. They know they’ll get through this, they always get through everything life throws at them, it’s just hard because this time, they got a taste of true happiness and were robbed of it in the cruelest way possible.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing is therapeutic to me. I always find that it helps me deal with my emotions in a healthy way. Recently, this exact same thing happened to my mom. I wrote this in hopes of finding some closure.


End file.
